Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
