Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
