So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
