I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
