Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
