Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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