I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
