Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
