i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
