My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
