I faked an abortion last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
