Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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