She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
