i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
