im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
