do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I intend to get homeless drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
