Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
