May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
