We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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