Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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