i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize