haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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