we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
