Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
