Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
