I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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