Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
