Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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