So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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