Only a mothe r could love this liver
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
