in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
