I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
