Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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