gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
