I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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