I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
