I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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