I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
