What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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