Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
