Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
