so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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