i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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