Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
