We're facebook friends in real life
false alarm. still invincible.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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