is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
