I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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