I'm eating all of the evidence.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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