Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
