Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
