worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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