i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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