WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
