i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
