Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
