I got chris browned last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sobbing to NWA
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
