I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
