Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
