You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
