For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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