I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
