I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
