Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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