You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
