If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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