Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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