bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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