Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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