Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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