i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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