Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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