i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize