I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
