Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
