atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
