weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
