If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you win again, gameday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
