I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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