I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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