He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
